Friday, July 20, 2018

Top Shelf Talent


01:56 - 02:34 to understand what tuned-in talent can turn out and who you're watching.

How amazing would it be to write songs with someone like him? Life changing.

Virtual Ergo Ego


think I / go over / over / the old / not new / but / have you / seen the / seen the places / new wants to / take me to? / to the Final Fantasy / any Roman / has a number / to the PlayStation / every prick / is a sword / and the creeping / of old saggy ladies / turned to ravens / turned to flesh eating / and the virtual / this is new / no / the virtual is remaking / beauties and beasts / tales as / yes / smoke a dime / and bag me something / up / take my circular / memories and fictions / over new world / indefinitely / if you haven't played / you know / nothing / about my real / life.





*

Thursday, July 19, 2018

Clouds of Love Remain


He told me it was the / only way / I would ever be / happy. / He came to clear me. / But he told me a new story / first / then explained / away all the pain / connecting dots where I needed / then he made me promise / not to mention / or even think about / a few of our most precious / most private / most unknowable moments together / because / he told me / those would be how / we can stay together / despite it all / because he came. /

To clear me . / someone asked / and the answer was / yes. / she's clear. /

But I'm not / I wasn't / we're still here.

One Of These Things









Tuesday, July 17, 2018

Salt Air By The Pacific






It was a cool sea breeze / that led me away / from the bloody night crawlers / and to the serenity / of large oaks / overhead / horse stables lit with / faery lights / and a quiet field / where I waited / for you /



Monday, July 16, 2018

Spoons Spaceships Cherries


Say it's about the soul
a spaceship
the money
the pain

Say it's about anything
but the hunger


***

Late. Maybe they never...



Late.


Maybe

they never meet

again.



*


Late.


Or, maybe

she meets and falls

in deep


with someone else.


Someone.


*

Yes.

Maybe I do.


*




Doppelganger Son



Close enough
to make a mom
watch again

and again

and again

 Doppelganger
Son

Sunday, June 24, 2018

Somewhere stitch mended


NO MORE NUMBERS
ONLY COLORS PEOPLE CHANGE
RAINBOWS AND UNICORNS?
FAIRY TALE NO.

LIVE REAL COLORS CHANGE
MIX MINGLE COME TOGETHER
SURF A PART
A WAVE IN A UNIVERSE
NEW.

Today was like a vanilla Sunday
back in the day
Redondo w daddy
Seagulls
A floating song
And something to 
Look forward to


-----


PART THE RED SEE


Some tract homes
live a little too
"SUBurban"
to
recognize the similarities
in 
sentence structures



The Kids DON'T Swim


For Friend(s)








Love Comes To Town



Caged And Keepers

lions in boxes
bulls in the ring
straps in our mouths
constantly dying

I can meet that
don't forget that
don't bring that hate in here

decorated soldiers
I been cold 
steel and the guns
bombs in the making

I held your veins in

lit up rubber / choking in caustic air
it's a world with no design
pay stubs and
artless grieving

yell out for the Final Frontier

we've been what we could
we're the caged
and the keepers
taking every sacrifice

no more.

this epoch is ours
don't look down
time's   up

we're the caged
and the keepers

ready set go



*****
(Original post: winter, 2016)


THE CIRCUS / WHO DO YOU LOVE
03.2016


arenas in the
underground

crowds kings
mysteries

of birds of cats of
chimpanzees


if only you could want me


seasons they 
accepted less 

lifetime in bargains
split the children up

hold hands with one's
who are leaving

tremors red sunset orange moon

crowds / you see them 
suffocate me / think 


if only you had loved me


wake up hal worthington and 
his dog 

spot 

see me i'm making coffee
talking to the t.v. 

and it's answering me

california circus
let's walk to the beach
family in the morning
is he up? is he moving?

see me i'm standing drinking coffee
talking to the t.v.


*****


who do you love?

do you know 

who you love?


do you love or 

do you

just think about it?



***** 



Thursday, June 21, 2018

Il Collezione

We will
form a collezione
because
I love you
very much,
too.

(Message, 06.21.19, 4:25 a.m.)

https://youtu.be/J-dv_DcDD_A
Zayn, let me

https://youtu.be/IKuoOTRO1eo
he does not mean "tiny newborn"
when he is singing "sweet baby"

This is a song that makes me feel
better
Like things gon b ok

As do most of the songs i hear lately
Chris Brown's songs, true

I'm right here
I'm right here
I'm shakin
But i'm walkin

*

This
Is where it gets
Hard core
and I don't want
no more

When people say
my son gon make
me choose
like it's an order
or a threat

ok a warning

But this time
No son of mine dies!!!!

I didn't come hear
TO SAVE YOUR MOURNING

I CAME HERE FOR LOVE
AND DON'T YOU FORGET IT

OH, I'M GONNA REGRET IT?
YOU GON EAT ME?

HOLY FUCK
HOLD UP

HELL YES ITS A SET UP
U THINK I LIVE FOR DYIN?????

NO FUCKIN WAY

WHEN THEY SAY "SHE PLAY"
THEY MEAN
I'M SMART,
DUMBASS.

no, i only live
my life

one love
in my bed

But I'm a whore?
Yeah, and your point?

*


My son doesn't "make" me do anything
my son takes orders from...
Himself

He is a grown man
Who loves

Yes, he loves me
AND he loves his whole family
But if you haven't figured out
We love but we want to. LIVE.
then you aren't reading me
correctly

There is a right and wrong?
There is a right and wrong?
There is a right and wrong?
This is where space
Breaks


Says "I see her"
Says "We know her"
I don't want to say it
Because I don't want to be an asshole
But ... they know it

The next line was "We owe her."

It's over.
It's over.

My son doesn't "make me" choose
He make you choose


*


(And he's just like me)
(And he needs me)
(And I need him)
(And I don't want to live like this)
(Who should ever live like this?)
(No one. No one. Should HAVE
to live like me, especially without
even knowing why)




That's what i do
With You
All of
You.


*

Give love.
Give mercy.

For all those
Violations

We are all to blame
But there must also be an end
To this "senseless" violence

It DOES MAKE SENSE
BECAUSE WE ALL WANT TO LIVE!

yes, but we also WANT TO UNDERSTAND
WHY

And this is my real life
He has been
He IS
my REAL son

so I cannot walk
as if it is
a game
a hobby
a job

I am a parent
I am a Mother
I have Responsibilities

*

We each do them
to the best of

our abilities


*

(they think i don't love
my sisters?)

(It's a thin line
a fine thread

but that excuse
is
not good enough

Not good enough

whatever I am
whatever we are

We need to do better
than that answer...

than that answer WITHOUT FULL
KNOWN, SUSPECTED, IN TRANSITION
CONTEXT)

Yes, I can be
a
Beast

But I am many things
And many of them
Are gifts
From God
From Friends
From "the Devil"

Yeah, now we level
Now we talkin some truths
Not playin
(Soundbooths are all I have)
(Soundbooths are all i have!)

My boys
And girls?

I am going to trust
(Only because I am still ALIVE)
in the goodness of

The Collezione



*

Tuesday, June 19, 2018

Sundays / Because I Cry

white noise
the tapping
her nails
one by one
by one
by one

my flesh
five piercings
the preacher
a pastor
sin? long tales
mysteries to me
my aching arm
her nails
my aching arm
some kind of sin
swirling by

sit up straight
she whispers
snake whispers
it's hopeless
i think
it's hopeless
i slump
her nails
five piercings
my flesh

you embarrassed me
she says
screams
white noise
gray noise
blanched noise
my heart
itches

seal it
wrap it
protect it
foam and string
inside
wrapped round and round
and round

i see everything
i recognize nothing
all my parts
inside
sealed

saved

for what?

saved for
something i can't know
or speak

never speak
what i love
if i love

words out loud
what i love
if i love

don't name
what i love
if i love

don't ever name it

named loves
disappear

pierced

tap tap tap
tap

her nails
drum

my insides
sealed

my loves
all disappeared

see everything
recognize nothing




++++suzy devere


06.19.18infinity
I wrote Sundays
at a coffeshop
lots of people
around me
a few stares
a few
a few
a few

hard to believe
people could
pretend
they never
knew

but i know
fear

and that makes
it easier to understand

https://youtu.be/kbMqWXnpXcA

I may have posted "Keep It On The Sunnyside" by ...

I'm careless

and it's the same name

June. Carter. Cash.




*









Crazy Ideas / Still Alive



Leadbelly
Mica Ertegun
Joan Armatrading
Wilma Rudolph

Run run run run til
you can't

Like me.

The police in Spain

I ran naked
a 100 yd dash
In the street
to prove i can no longer
run

Was it gracious?

Ladylike?

I don't believe so
but when was the last time
you heard a lady screaming
...

"It's a COUNSEL. ALL THREE.

A triumvirate!!!"

With anger at the

top of my voice,

I was crazy.


Demanding.


Hillary Clinton
and Donald Trump
and...

and...

because there was
something so frightening
happening
in the USA
and I just figured
3 was better than
1
with the state
of affairs
the way they were

but I took some
medicine
and cleared my head
of my crazy ideas
crazy fears
crazy love

and came back
to the USA
to be
cared for
by my mother

my father's been dead
a pretty long time

identity is
luxury

Identity is
luxury

and I also want to thank
my own
personal Jesus
who showed at the park
during the day
doing pull ups
on the
chin up bar
then found me
one night
when i was so so so lost
with my dog
i could not find my own way
home

I was scared to death
I had been walking for hours
and hours

and hours

and knew
no one

He offered me water

I drank it

Then he walked me
to the bridge
I knew

and from there
I promised him
I could find my own way
home

He spoke to me
in Italian.

I spoke to him
in English.


*

I made some
promises
to family

promised to
honour and
respect

the information
I could feel

promised to
find you and
never let you
go

the nurses in
the E.R.
seemed...

stunned

with growing
concern
and maybe
some growing
anticipation

of me as
dessert

but

then

things

turned

tense


because
they could not
figure out

how

I was still alive


*


but my husbands
had
saved me

i mean
my
husband's family


*


I took some medicine
and

came back

to be

taken care of

by

my mother.



*


I'm not feeling well.

Not very hungry.

I'm going to take

a short walk

then take a bath

and lie back down.


Tomorrow I am sure

I will

feel


...

better


*

Monday, June 18, 2018

G-Rated And Proud


Find out / then say no / send the zombies / send the / flesh eating bacteria / zika / send some high powered / bird flu / they're all over you /

it's been a set-up / since i woke up / every description / a tool to recall / mneumonic device / let me hum / how it makes me wet / ha / you think only you / have the key / to the parts? / locksmiths at every corner / nook and cranny / ignore / ignore /

because i know another way / a private way / you're going to feel me / because I knew when you got close / you have the master / key / master key / but we don't play the pain game / it's not a slave situation / not this time / the fear is going to be the thing / the hungry want / but people aren't as happy being sadistic / when they feel there's feelings / that go all the way thru / they don't want what they're taught / once they learn a feeling better /

No one believes me / that's okay / even a set up / is company for the lonely / why bother correcting all my stupidity / if i'm just the sacrifice? / not this time / not this time / 

i'm not going with anyone / anywhere / 

I'm waiting / for change /

I'm not figuring / or running 

I'm going to be cherished / and enjoy happiness in a way that makes me feel good / this time / and what i'm waiting on / is the same as me /

SCOOT OVER. please. & thank you.






Certain men love certain women / and appreciate the company / of / a woman / not everything is about / the paper / so let the haters come / tonight the dinner is set with / place cards / and the rules of etiquette just changed /

Tonight the rule is / a woman and man who are married / get to sit together at the table /

They're the ones who / demand the label / set up the requirements for / deserving / dignity / ...

Tonight / if I had a husband...




ORIGINAL POST 00.00.15
TO ENTERTAINMENT

quest for 5d

dangling carrot of the vastly improbable
fused with enough big production
and wishful academic historicism
to keep a lonely human alive

my cheekbones
hollywood hills

my eyes
needy spotlights

my lips
gateway to anonymous voice-over

my mind
plot line mashup

every combination
of boy meets girl meets nature
minor to major player
rubix cube soothsayer

if i keep watching
body as L.E.D.

if i keep listening
body as sound scape

no more singular movie
no more singular score

my architecture bent permanently
toward the source of my hope

in search of a lasting link

to engulfing
to submerging

to entertainment


*****

to keep a lonely human alive

hollywood hills

needy spotlights

gateway to anonymous voice-over

plot line mashup

body as L.E.D.

body as sound scape

to engulfing

to submerging


...to entertainment.


_____



breathlessly
miss you

nothing
about you
is
replaceable

_____







Sunday, June 17, 2018

Finest Japanese China


Don't be nervous
about being a dick
I already know that you are!

Ha as bad as that gets
I know it's cuz you're real

No one knows
That i know you
Like I do
All the gorgeousness
Of your emotions
Your eloquent words
A poet for the New World
An athlete because you
Have always known
You'd have to fight
For it all
All the time
Because you can
Paint
Dance
Draw
Design
Walk the catwalk
Pose for the crowds
Ride the waves
Read the books
And be loyal

But no one knows
I got the freeze frames
Filed in my mind
Of the boy you
were to your mother
The man you've been
To your lovers

All your covers
All your covers

Don't worry---
We are the same!
I love many others (too)
We're True

And I can feel how you
Starve
Every day we feel each other

No, i don't need to write it
Now they know
Who we are
And there's no place
I won't find you
If you need me

Baby, if you need me
I can turn to steel
But you never want me to

Now they need to learn
What they never knew

That I am who I am
Because you taught me to

Listen to the dolphins
See the surface of ice
Touch skin to remember
Where a soul's been

You whispered to me
Every day of this life
To be gentle
Not judgemental

And i'm sorry I'm
So lazy lately
I feel so different
Trapped in this body
Sometimes you forget

Sometimes you regret

But never never never
Say you're sorry
To please me

You don't owe me
That

The truths are going to be
Lost in the airwaves
Written through petals
Woven through the lattice
Of our sacred lives

If you never
Want to get together
There's no blame
No truth to hate on
We both lived game on
Got the same dawn
I don't believe that you
Are damaged

You are my cracked teacup
Mended with gold






Now Everybody Knows

 /

Represent The Gray






There are days / even years / you are the band / i can't remember / the song with the lyrics / i never got right / but the song / never left me / i can be there / in an instant / in the passenger seat / window roled down / you smoking / my feet on the dash / wearing pajama pants and a tank top / too uncool and so engaged / enthralled by the coolness and effortless glamour / and depth of content / that is you /

Yes / this is true / you were my very best friend / don't remember how we end / can't find you anymore / you changed your name / peroxide in your conditioner / funniest girl in the whole world / loved you through and through / Legion of Honour / HWY 101 / comedy routines at the church camp / we were not the bad girls / we were the goffers / with the buck teeth / i was the abused girl / no one believed / tried so hard to fit in / every sweet crush / another abuse and humiliation / i showed up for / and another forever best friend / send you letters and letters and lies to make true / you loved me, too / talk all night on a phone / with a long distance bill i can in no way pay / visit you in visalia / bikes and elvis costello / clove cigarettes i throw up to / i don't remember how we end / you were my best friend / malibu barbie / prettiest and sweetest little girl / in the whole world / i wanted so much to be like you / perfect in every way / we were scared watching / planet of the apes / and your fathers porsche was everyday / your stepmom's breasts the biggest balls of flesh under a blouse i've ever seen! / sweetest lady makes me breakfast / kindness for days on end / and the kittens she loves so / big sky montana / newport beach / the blimp over los angeles / we are best friends / i don't remember how we end / 



*


Saturday, June 16, 2018

Country House / Circle: You Are Here.






changed so much / changed so much / have you got enough? / aren't I pretty enough, Darling? / it's all going to be smooth sailing / derailing all those explatives / can't hear you, Sweetheart / because I'm oh so different now / valient now / a sacred cow / isn't that right, my Darling? /

Transfer the moons to my account / we're heading to the sun / have i got my skills? / oh yes and my chanel / my dior / wish i could take more, don't you, my Lover? / Don't remember what gutters are for / I don't sleep there anymore / call my agent / if you need me / you need to make my wry smile / curl / once in a while or I won't be the same / please tell the Operator / I'm on my way home / my way home / all done here / covers on the sofas / drapes closed for every season / except for one / my son / my sun /

Everything will be made right / isn't that it, my Darling? / Here we have gone / Torture no thing in light OR dark / set free the geraniums / stopping the orchids horrible screams / screeching pots at my bedsides / i'm shaking / yes, I will breathe better / loosen my bitter ills / if you can really / hold my hand / Yes, please, my Darling.


----
ORIGINAL POST 07.21.09
CIRCLE: YOU ARE HERE.

It passes over once and cannot be mistaken for anything else.
It is a slim file, a fine thread, a weak chain.
I will fog the mirror once or twice trying to recall its details
but there is nothing to mourn.
Freedom is a luxury and
I soon remember why
my back never arches
in the same way twice.
It is for the same reason
I do not choose to travel
to the same destination
vacation after vacation:

I do not want a country house.
I want to visit many countries.

--




It's Your Heart You're Breaking



Life i can remember / you're afraid i'll forget it all / for you / for the years i've cried / i think I gave them up for / two

Because i don't know / but i feel / that you've loved me /

And i don't know / but i feel / that there's a place where we're true

I wait in my own way / because i'd die / if I was waiting / without breathing / for you

It's / your heart you've been playing / your heart you've been breaking / that's why / i've always been crying / for two

Love me all the way now / or tell me you don't know how /

Tell me you love / anyone else / but don't tell me / silence is golden / not this time

You don't want to / let me go /

Say it /

You don't want / to / let me go



*

Friday, June 15, 2018

Go / We Weather.


GO 

weight of wet socks
bags of dry sand
and a pack filled with
items so heavy i dream of
leaving it all behind
but i know that is suicide
so i never will,
...i walk.

i walk and i walk and even when i stop
i walk

when i appear still
i am still
walking

the days and nights merge
into 2400 hours
of minutes passing
one by one

eyes open
hands open

contact to contact
i show

i walk

--------

I do not consider or construct
an end

that has never been my place

what is mine is the windmill
the oars on the rivers
the irides of the gymnasts
the focus of the arrow as it flies

not the target


humility in a dogfight with turtles
carp the size of pirate ships leading me

I know nothing
except "go"

I know
I know

Nothing

I am at the middle
of a wishbone

All i know to do
is to

walk




*


We Weather. (06.14.18)

sounds

I don't owe the world

what do you think this flies like?

Baby, i'm no bat with wings

signal sings

for me


I'm no one's savior

this behavior goin nowhere

and it ain't fair but i keep on

til the shiny's gone


Don't you know this never ends?

Oh, don't you know i'm the reader?

Look up and down the avenue

Don't shake that finger

Put back that wag

Nobody's bitch

Not even

Hag

I keep on, don't go quiet

Oh, i know you don't believe it

want to see it but not my job

to show for you


Just another day of movin on

Gettin right

Findin fault with the old way

So i can

Meet someone knew

I already know

Someone so true

Don't gotta talk

to be same

We're made like bookends

but we never end

we're the writers, too

Baby, we're TRUE

Baby, we're TRUE

finally got the whole cycle covered

Got our signals numbered

in the signs of our mystery

It's just you and me




Thursday, June 14, 2018

Grey Submersion


my quiet space

is between me and you

right now


right now

i am trying to 

calm down


because i miss

the colour orange

and gracious 

beauty

so very much

*

and i miss my rose

*

the plant i watered

faithfully

yet my mother let die

while i was 

"away"


*





Desire and Des'ree

Original Post 01.06.2016
Untitled (past obligation)


sensitive to the messages

being engraved


imagine yourself reading

the inside of a 

drinking straw

with your body


imagine you are that 

small


your body reads its sides

like the blind read braille


it does not require thought

it is not a conscious 

process of translation


slide up

slide down


there is no right answer

no correct destination

or direction


imagine the openings

travel with your gaze


now the caves of africa

are not where i am left

to die alone


*****

ORIGINAL POST 12.09.11
YOU THINK YOU CANNOT BE

You think you cannot
be the one to die
in dirty underware

the house a mess
half-drunk mugs of
moldy coffee sitting
still on nearby bookshelves
brought hot then forgot
in the haste that was your
hurried struggle of a life

You think you cannot
be the one to live
without a lover
for years on end

alone at Christmas
Thanksgiving
Easter
Seder
Secretary's Day and everything
in between

You think you cannot
be the old lady
whose life
all
took place
before "the" invention
that everyone
born now
cannot
imagine life without

but you can
and you might
just
be.


Suzy Devere


ORIGINAL POST 05.29.13
ONLY NOW I KNOW REGRET

i know only tonight about regret

i've never before believed there was more to me than i could make of myself alone

there was only self-respect, loss and purpose, the beyond

but now i know regret

its ache
its talons so much sharper than the curled empty hands of loneliness

unlike the benign vagueness of a sense of loss, regret is a painful twist of the breast

the appearance of absolutely everything
as it presents itself out of the mist

as it shows itself
ten meters beyond the spot i gave myself over to solitude

for the very first time, i regret every moment i've lived without you

i sob for the years i've spent alone

i love you
and
i know you love me

only now i know regret

because now i know that time is a line that travels the crack of a mirror

it has a start
and an end

i love you
and
i know you love me

only now i know regret

because it is
only now i realize
...half-cold,

that i never want to die


ORIGINAL POST 03.28.15
Mother May I

what i was taught
and what i now know
are very different things

have you ever watched
an American movie
in a foreign country
and been the only one
in the whole audience
to laugh?

it is not the country
that is funny
not the people
or even the language
it is the combination
of the knowledge of the
out-of-frame
mixed
with the
entirely culturally-learned
value system

plus the
sizeable margin
between what the words mean
and what we, the listeners,
think they mean.

in a way, even though
i have laughed alone
at the movies,
everyone
everywhere
who is
not the one talking
is a foreigner.


Notes 05.14.18
8:18 a.m.

Love is not enough?
Okay, I'll grant you that.

But I am more.
than
Love.




Original Post 06.29.09
Shooters Through Dust

this world
is built 
on lovers who meet on the same steps
are born under the same moon
have memories of the same dances
and lanes and mishaps of country

i want so much to believe
that none of it will matter to you
i stare some more at your beautiful eyes
wanting to crawl inside them and hammer their blacks
from the inside out
pierce my own holes through their centers
stick my head out through those irides
like a turtle in a convertible
wind blowing
i want to see what you see and go where you go
i stare some more 
and think of marbles--blue green shooters-- rolling through dust











Wednesday, June 13, 2018

Comedy Hour In Crazy Town



when 007 is a joke / to make me laugh / cuz i'm soooo / noooo / 007 / it's the humor that keeps me here / 

the jokes / to make me laugh / all the way through the / exercise of crazy / that let me know / it's all for me / and i'm where i'm sposed to be / where people count on me / cuz they know me / and some choices /... aren't /

that's where the jokes / are the smartest / dumbest / humor 

where dyin is / pretty much already / dead / but hangin' in there / by that / one / more / joke / to make me laugh / in the crazy / to let me know / to keep goin / to hang on / the jokes / let me know / the people who love me / knew I would go that far / knew I would get there / and exactly there / as ridiculous and horrible / and scary / and "unknown" as it all is to me / it is obvious to them / exactly what i'll do / where i'll go / what i'll understand / once I get there / and what i'll learn / each and every step / of that crazy town way / 

it's the jokes / that keep me livin //










Friday, May 25, 2018

Sunny and Share


My back is pushed

against an exploding

See

if this is up to me

if this is up to me

then i must tell the 

physical truth

say i am still here

i am right here 

and everything i am

STANDS FOR YOU


I AM 

ATTENTION

ALL YOU

"MOTHER-FUCKERS"

FUCKED ME

I AM SOMEONE'S MOTHER

YOU FUCK ME THEN YOU

WANT TO DRINK MY BLOOD

LIKE FUCKING VAMPIRES?!

I'M NOT YOUR ZOMBIE 

AND I'M NOT YOUR FUCKIN

MEAL!!!!!


BUT U R UNDERSTOOD

BECAUSE U KNOW WHAT?

I PUT OUT FOR THIS WHOLE WORLD

TOO

AND I GOT...

YOU.


I GOT YOU, BABE.

I GOT YOU, BABE.


SUN...SUNNY SUNSHINE
ALL YOU BITCHES
IN THE KITCHENS
GOT YOU COOKIN SOME
SICK FUCKIN STEW?!!!

OH NO NO NO

I DON'T DO YOU LIKE

THAT

AND Y'ALL BEST SHAPE

THIS 

STUPID DUMB ASS PUNK ASS SAD SACK EMPTY PIECE A SHIT GROCERY KART BETTER PUSH IT TO THE 

MINUTE MART

THIS IS ART?
THIS IS ART?

NAWWWW MONKIES

THIS IS 

HUNGER

This is anger
This is rage
This is how i feel
Do you know how i feel?
You think you know what i feel?
(Thank you, Annie get yer gun)
Your gun that isn't built
to hurt anyone
Right? 
Or did i misunderstand?
Police s'posed to b who i call
to help me
with their.guns
since i don't have one
and don't want to kill anyone?
But hmmmmm....
let's calm down and talk
after I 
risk it all and go
walk around the block
alone

I'm s'posed to depend on
the police

That's rich.

AND YOU WONDER

WHY THE SKY

IS CRYIN?

STEVIE RAY AN FEVER RAY

AND YOU WANT TO SCARE ME?
DARE ME?
THREATEN ME WITH.WHAT? 

COME ON M'FUCKERS

COME ON 

CUM ON

CUM ON ME

ALL OVER ME

LIKE YOU DID BEFORE

HERES YOUR MINIT MART
OPEN 24 7
AN I AIN' BEGGIN FOR
SHIT

I ASK
KISS MY ASS

I ASK
FOR RESPECT?
NNNNAW BOYS AND GRLS

Y'ALL CAN GIVE IT

WITHOUT BEIN ASKED


Y'ALL CAN

CUM

ON

BACK


BE SUNNY

SORISO!!!!!

AND SHARE


YEAH

I'M NOT YOUR BITCH

AND I HAVE

LONG

HAIR



AND I'M PISSED AS SHIT
AND ID RATHER BE FUCKED UP
THAN GETTING.FUCKED
BUT YOU ALL CAN
GET YOUR SHIT.TOGETHER

IF I GOTTA GROW UP
You're all comin with me

because.sometimes it
doesn't feel like love

BUT.I STAND.UP.

and i'm here.



*



Public Property


right there / on the sidewalk / i had more than / any man deserved / or any woman deserved / to see / of me /

there is a plane / i pulled in / on it i stepped / and exploded / put out this foul flesh! / dropped this fetid skin!/ i rearranged my own bones into / something all mine / better than a box / but left that anthropomorphic order / at some random door /

I am this / public property / no more








Cherish



maybe i stand on my head
as my default not because of
any religion but because that is
how I'm bled

i don't want cheese
on my burger
kosher gets closer

i don't want that
burger at all

------

i can be anything

this time i choose:

loved


_____

Cirque Du Soleil


i want to say
everything 
and nothing
but you know
nothing is somethin
i can never say

i'm sorry

and i'm not angry

just spins my
head and heart
a lot
but i guess 
already know me

LOL 
TEARS OF A CLOWN



(Extended Original)

HONK HONK, LOOK AT MY
RED NOSE AND BIG SHOES.
I'M A CLOWN!"



Tuesday, March 29, 2016


Perseo


Perseus,

will i know it's you?


Will you wear a

white rose on your

lapel,

or tuck a red handkerchief

in your breast pocket?


These days it is unseemly

to go around naked,

especially when you have

more to admire than most.


Perseo,

what do you think?

How will i know you?


Sunday, December 13, 2015


Prosperina Fell In Love


what happens next

sailboat on the sidewalk

taking cues from science

books upsidedown

change the names

of the elements

hear silence for the

first time

settle kitchen tables

mother bakes a perfect pie

imagine ahead

between blades of gold

four fields report

space breathes a new lease



she loved him at first sight

flowering forward


*****

ecco mi

CULTIVO UNA ROSA BLANCA

Cultivo una rosa blanca,
En julio como en enero,
Para el amigo sincero
Que me da su mano franca.

Y para el cruel que me arranca
El corazón con que vivo,
Cardo ni oruga cultivo:
Cultivo la rosa blanca.



by Jose Marti




Thursday, May 24, 2018

The Science Of Survival


there's no number

for what i need


---

this is a live feed


____

The Devil Cries With Me

I talk to you / my little screen / because you have to hear me /

i dance with you / mr t.v. / because you have to watch

into the dark / there with the devil / who lies / thank god / he's helpful

no one knows / but god / how the devil cries with me /

----

in the church pews / there is murder / bread exploding / wave that red flag / burn the babies / navy babies / navy babies

___

i cry tears / to water fallow / ground /

i sit still / to conserve what's left / for the big fight

i can't run to the exits / i can't cross the street / i can't "think" myself / to a payday / and the promised land /

does it matter / real people dying? /

does it matter / mother mary is old? /

does it matter / there's nothing natural 'bout nature?

does it matter /

-----

I'M NOT A FLAT GIRL / LIVING IN A FLAT WORLD / THERE ARE TECHS / WHO WORK THE BOOMS / AND THEY GOT ME / THEY GOT ME /

PAPA'S GOT ME / RABBI'S AT MY HOUSE / PASTORS / LEADERS / THEY ALL KNOW / GOD / GODS / KINGS / QUEENS / FAIRYS / GIRLS IN GRASS SKIRTS / AND EVERY BAMBOO BASKET /

DOES IT MATTER / THIS WORLD'S GOT / EVERY GOD / AND EVERY DEVIL / ON HIS KNEES / CRYING?

-----

i'm with you / i got you / i need the party / to celebrate / how much decay / has eaten every / hopeful holiday /

i laugh / because we all gotta cry sometime / this /

this is a timeline /


___


i write it again

this is a timeline


____

nobody stupid for breathin
nothin and nobody wrong living
the sad is in the life we're giving
my love my love my love my love
this /

this is my offering

all directions in all religions 
no exceptions to the body rule
even the religion of non-believing
all i have left 


fight and weeping 

this /

is my offering from my own frontline

this /

i got nothin and nobody else
my my my love and anger each a wheel
a sword is a gun is a dream is the real

i lay it all down 
and lay myself across it
i curve my body into a paren
as seen by the birds in the skies

this 

paren is a smile turned upsidedown
or a frown in transition if you listen
to my body 

laying across the complicated obsessions
my offering
this

is a timeline



Wednesday, May 23, 2018

tranquilo tranquilo

Tuesday, March 11, 2008


Absence of a Particular Sound

After reading Wallace Stevens' Thirteen Ways of Looking at a Blackbird is it any wonder why each of my words seems one too many and too poorly chosen? How beautiful to imagine being "...of three minds, Like a tree, In which there are three blackbirds." And how lovely to consider the moment after the blackbird has whistled as a moment of equal import to the moment in which the blackbird whistles. Like the concept of the out of frame in photography or the third act reversal in film, an absence of a particular sound sometimes articulates better the properties of that sound than the sound itself. John Cage's work taught me that there is no such thing as silence. Ann Messner's book titled Oracle taught me that there can be a visual representation of a concept as complex as the absence of particular sounds. Wallace Stevens' words in Thirteen Ways of Looking at a Blackbird make me wonder what sound I might miss most, were it to be reified through silence.



05.23.18

motek

tutim tutim
last night i saw two moons
tranquilo tranquilo
and did not think twice

tutim
tutim

tranquilo
tranquilo












fixation with here

the hum of the air conditioner keeps me company when you're away and the sound of the crickets is the sound of your fingers on the keyboard in the next room while i sleep.  there is no food network in my world and i don't like reality tv.  you're just away for a little while, and then you'll be back.  i make sure there's room for you in bed and take the big pillow off your side as well as mine.  i've got a few empty drawers for your things.  i imagine you.  i invent you.  i don't know you.  you aren't coming back.  you've never been here. everything lately involves the word "here" and i think that means that sense of place for me is tied to a word, which is itself transient.


(08.01.09; from the Archives)









---





Tuesday, May 22, 2018

YUP, THEY'RE MINE



when the little ones / show themselves / when i thought / i left them / home! / oh / nana / it's a burner! / on a saturday /

when saturday / starts burnin / every other day / showin up for / a burner / in curlers / nana in her / daniel greene / gold lame / slippers /

it's everyday / the kids are kickin / the shit out of the desert / why wouldn't they? / if i left them? / nana knows / the glitter glows / everyday / under the weather / it's a party / in the desert / bring your lipstick / leave the sweater / nana knows / the kids are with the life / the kids are with the life /

the kids are with the life / i thought i left at home!!! /nana knows / the glitter glows / everyday / under the weather / it's a party in the desert /
bring your lipstick / leave the sweater /

the kids are with the life / an you know the kids are with the life ! / i thought i left them / home

Monday, May 21, 2018

Prize Fighter








Say Something



relaxing / into the fingerprint / that is / concentric circles / the sound soothes me / as they radiate out / because you are there / you know what has been dropped / into me / there is no splash / when it enters / and you don't need one / to tell you / what's happening / because you're already with me / already here / and you know the contents / exactly /

the sound goes vertical / but it's being held by screens / displaying / the wrong direction /

no one hears what I hear / except you / unless you want them to / you know it doesn't matter to me / anymore / I gave up my privacy / a long time ago / 

horizon line / on this lake / soft / comforting / is turning / clockwise / and that's okay / it's just a few degrees / okay / more than a few / how many / looks like 20 / or 25 / 

tell them the fish / in this lake / don't have to bite / at the hooks /

I love you, too / just want you to know


fish bite when they're hungry /  the fish in this lake / don't ever have to go / they know /

they aren't / sacrifices for us / they are sacrifices / for you



hear me / hear us / now what are you going / do? / listen to me / we are not talking about us / we mean you / the fishermen / sending these hooks down / pulling our fish up / our fish we know / don't have to go / 

they are going for you / not us / listen

parades end / street cleaners come / audiences go home / stop watching when they see / there's no more / show /


he says / baby, relax / it's a bright white / beautiful day








Sunday, May 20, 2018

You Knew I Would

_______


middle of the night  / google maps / wakes me / sends me to a bus stop / blinking / you are here /

i most certainly am not /

i am in my jammies / it is 2 am? / but i take the hint / dress / walk to the blinking spot / now it blinks and moves / stopping here would be too easy / i yawn / fix my sweater / prepare.  / for a longer walk

/ to a building with a buzzer / i wait / off to one side / in the dark / there is nobody / anywhere /

when Spanish streets are empty / you know the world is ending / or / that it is raining /

i think it is raining /

a blonde / too-energetic-for-this-time-of-night / girl / magically appears / walking briskly / leaves the lobby / i grab the door after she goes / before it closes / this sounds infinitely more slick than it is / than I am /

I take an elevator / followed by a climb / reach the highest level / where it is too dark and too small / alice on the wrong side of the glass / i knock on an insane / purple door /

thank god / no one opens /




Morning In The Mill / Life-Size-Girl


madness / keeps me turning /

the cities / villages / trees / animals / everything I am populated with / drinks from me / is dependent on me / "showing up" and / being "myself" / and that means turning every suitcase / treasure chest / ladies hope chest / tea pot / and container in the orangerie / over /

and over / and over / and over /


---

Saturday, December 19, 2015


Life-Size-Girl


sit there so pretty, like there ain't no more to do

watchin' the sun rise like it comes and goes

when you got no idea where it's comin'

an' goin' to


path of this carnival

heard they asked the dead man to sell

life insurance

honey, if that don't beat all!

i got news fa' you

IT DON'T BEAT ALL!


they LINE UP to WATCH

the dead man sell

life insurance


jus' like they linin' up to watch you

run away

e'ry time a cold front breaks


what's a girl who likes a joke to do

with a sad story like this

playin' e'ry single day?


dead man sellin'

such a big bag

a nothin'


blinded by the

watchin' line,

n' surfin' the channels


o' death,

you sure is funny!


o' death,

you even find a way

to make a life-size-girl like me

laugh.







------------




Friday, May 18, 2018

The Nursery


from the time i could walk / i did not trust /

in me was long sword / taking up my whole body / blade up on a dark day / always ready to fight / blade down after battle / to clean / to begin again /

with each challenge it would grow / and it was mine to carry / so I made myself grow too / the way this can be done is written / and very few small children can read / it was my circumstance to have a traveling reader / visit me from time to time / a gift I did not know to appreciate / until much later / after I entered the first door of cities / but that is a story / too old to stand alone / it will come after others have built it a shelf / no point in wasting attention on facts with no place to sit! /

on to: the room of many doors

the room of many doors / is where i spent most of my time / I would press my bottom to the wall / heels tight to wood or stone / and work to bend my shoulder's / little blades / until they struck a surface / if I suspected there were no solid / which was not uncommon / especially behind my head / I would try to stand very tall! / very straight! / so no hole would win me backwards / 

I was / what we called then / a wall crawler / marks never traveling thru center / it was my path to slide its sides / 

if a door was open / I might hear air escaping a stream / or an insect mixing with a ribbon of grass / i might even feel something like an enormous tunnel pulling! / I had to be strong / of course / but these kinds of doors were easy / they gave a direct location / 

but the very still open door? / 

it was a trickster / it could mean wait / it could mean run / it could intervene and distort / anywhere! / and what it did not give in warning / it might give at goodbye /

the ground shakes / this means I am wanted somewhere I am not! / I am honored / you asked me / to tell you ... / 

you understand / it will take patience! / a beginning is the longest to get to /

(OH IT SHAKES! / I MUST GO!) / I will be back before your next eye grows /